February 03, 2011


I have been stuck in my house going on 7 1/2 days. I had to get out! WE had to get out! I've had just about all the Bailey I can take. (Grammy!!!) I text my friends, "I gotta get out, I don't care if I die." After a quick workout I got Bailey ready with excitement. I got myself ready. Heck, I even put on perfume! I hadn't taken a shower in three days. I'm not sure if I brushed my teeth either. I know, I know!  I CAN assure you my hair did NOT get brushed.  I think I was starting to stink.

That goes without saying I could never be a stay-at-home-mom. I have respect for them. A lot of respect. Give me a 70 hour work week! Does that make me a bad mom or bad person? I hope not. I'm just not cut out for that free life style. I need that routine or I will get fired kind of atmosphere. I could see how my days would be: I would sleep until 9:00, just in time to catch Rachael Ray, then The Price Is Right wishing I was on it, but never going to try to get on it, followed by Jeopardy wishing I was smart enough to be on it, but not going to apply myself, eat lunch, take a nap, and the rest of the day would be filled watching The Food Network. I would probably start drinking wine at 4:00, dinner wouldn't be prepared, I'd watch Wheel of Fortune and then my evening sitcoms.  My Lover would leave me and I would die. Bad news people.

Back to reality
So, we get out of the house. I skid down the drive way thankfully no mail box was behind me. I drove my bald tired 4Runner to the mall so I thought Bailey and I could eat a nice Chick-Fil-A lunch and play in "Germyland"!!!!

We get there. Alive. Joy. Oh, I forgot it's 12:30 and Bailey is tired! We should have just stayed home perhaps. She cried during our lunch that her chicken was too hot, she didn't want apple juice, she doesn't like french fries, and we didn't sit at the small table. I usually tough it out and sit at those kitty tables but skinny jeans and little tables don't mesh.

The Ridgemar Mall has a kid friendly play area that I personally call, "Germyland." You know what I'm talking about Moms! Desperate times call for desperate measures. It's nice, big, and they supposedly clean it from 2-3 daily. I should probably stay to observe one day. I should make sure it's 'Brandi Clean'.  Yeah right!

Alright! Germyland will fix her! I'm sitting there watching her play and have a good time. She was playing with a cute little playmate and I start taking mental notes of all that's wrong:::::: The kids that are too old to be in there make it not fun for the parents, not the young children, but for the parents that constantly have to watch their kid so they don't get trampled by the oversized kids. The parents that don't watch their kids or leave their kid there and go to a store close by. Really? I'm going to steal your kid to teach you a lesson! And you're gonna have to pay me money to get them back! It's not a daycare. Don't sit too close to me parent. Don't spark up a conversation with me. We're not friends. If you are going to take your rug rat there, keep socks on them while they play. Feet are grose. And please make sure they are clean socks for the love of God. Maybe that place would smell less like feet.  Don't allow your child to go up to other people. It's not cute. It's bothersome. Get them away quickly. I felt so sorry for this sweet couple that wouldn't just 'shew' this kid away that kept playing with their newborn's toys!!  I would have yelled "SCRAM!!" Social skills is what it is, social skills at an early stage of life. Bloomers mom. Then I was really sad because there was this larger boy playing and he was screaming at kids.  Abnormally screaming at kids, then natually with his actions he started getting bullied by these two boys, which is a completely other blog, but I looked around for his parents so they could stick up for their son and  teach him how to stick up for himself, but nothing. I couldn't find them. It took everything I had to not tell those two little punks off. I know bullying sucks, but where are the parents to help? Oh, probably in Footlocker. I just wanted to tell him don't take that shit fat kid! Punch them square in the face! That will learn them. Does that make you a better person? Yes, it does actually. You both learn a valuable lesson.  Don't take crap from people and don't mess with fat people. Then to top it off, there were these two guys that appanently thought that was an establishment to pick up women. One guy kept looking at me and then came and sat by me. No lie. Nice tatted on wedding ring.  Whatever. "We gotta go Bailey!  Get your shoes one and here's the anitibacterial soap!"

I thought that catastrophe was over, but NOOOO! She cried because we didn't have any cash on us to ride the pony merry-go-round, or ride the train. I thought I could make it up to her by taking her to the movies, but not one kid movie was showing.  There should be a law that a kid friendly movie always be showing.  We then went to the candy store and it was closed by the time we got back to it!!! HOW CAN THE CANDY STORE BE CLOSED?!!! 

Well, I'm batting a thousand.  Suprisingly Forever 21 didn't cure her either.  So we cried all the way out to the bald-tired-4Runner, slippin and slidin home crying, and proceeded with a long nap. Sheesh.

The only good part of this trip was when I gave Bailey a penny to throw in the fountain to make a wish, she yelled, "Santa!" I thought that was pretty funny. The only funny thing.

Just stay home.


  1. You're a writer, Brandi. I think we've traded monikers without knowing it--you're the writer and I'm the coach. I need to get to steppin' on my blog just to keep up with you!

  2. It sounds hilarious when we read this, but I know if it were Catch and me, I'd be crying like Bailey! ;0)